Inner Musings: Drive

What makes you want to do something? What’s your drive? What-right when you’re about to give up-pushes you forward at the last possible moment? 

God. Your past experiences. The fear of failure. Pleasure. Legacy. Expectations…

Whatever it is, it keeps you going. You never question this drive; in fear that maybe you’ll wake up and it’ll be gone. That you just won’t care anymore.
So you keep going, no matter what and you try not to look back.

A pharmacist hasn’t always been my first choice of a…career, but as soon as I saw the requirements it takes to be a successful, “fully operational” pharmacist, I knew.
That’s what I’m going to work towards. Because it’s a challenge and I love challenges. It’s going to take a lot of hard work and dedication, but I know I can do it and I think that’s why I am.
I think it’s this need to prove myself; not only to me but those around. When you grow up as the youngest in your family (having one older brother and an older sister both) you’re not really asked to uphold the legacy. I don’t know why it bothered me so much that not much was expected of me because I was the “baby” of the family, but it did. Does.  I was the last on the list of expectations for getting my license, getting a job, going to college, ect…

Yet, here I am. A license. My own vehicle. A job. Earning college credits.

I just wanted to share with the world that a decision has been made (if I don’t change it again-knock on wood!) and I’ve decided to become a Pharmacist.  Not a nurse/doctor, because blood and yuck and yuck and yuck… Still working as part of the medical field, but more science-ie and math-ie! And I’m really excited!  But really worried because math and science are not my strong suits in the least and I know I’m going to have to study my butt off! 

Well, in the long wrong, I’m still a Journalist at heart. I love writing. I love creating. And if I can manage it, that’s what I would love to do, but it just doesn’t seem solid enough. It’s a dream that I can see fleeting away at any given moment, and I’m just too scared to give that dream any bit of hope of reality. When I give something, I give it my all. What if I gave my all and didn’t get any results? 

I’ve been praying really hard about it though. I think this is the way to go. I know God will steer me in the right direction, wherever it leads me, but sometimes it’s hard to follow. Like footsteps washed away in the sand. I think I’m heading in the right direction and then I’m in the middle of nowhere without a path to follow again…

I'm just so impatient. I hate waiting.

Thanks for reading! -Sarah
 Um, Amen to that.

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